Monday, October 31, 2005

Scariest Halloween Ever

I was in elementary school, first or second grade. We were trick-or-treating on my aunt's street. Night had not yet was that creepy hour before sunset on a blustery October day. We were having fun.

But that fun was about to end. Horribly.

As we approached the middle house on the opposite side of my aunt's street, we got a bad feeling. I can't explain it. It was palpable.

Evil lived in this house. Pure, unadulterated evil.

My big sister knocked on the door.

It swung open. All. by. itself.


A towering gorilla leapt out from behind the door. I screamed. My sisters screamed. We dropped candy.

We fled, running as fast as our little stubby elementary school kid legs would carry us all the way down the street. We never looked back, because the ape would get us if we did.

I can still hear his awful laughter, the sinister imitation of a middle-aged man in a monkey suit, in my sleep. Every Halloween, I think of that wild beast. And I want to run away.

Friday, October 28, 2005

They Look Like Us Now.

Nuthin', Don't You Say...

He Was Very Vigorous...

The Legend of Zorro comes out today! To celebrate, let's all watch a trailer for a previous incarnation of Zorro.
"He was very vigorous, father." -- Catherine Zeta-Jones, The Mask of Zorro

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Frakk The Navbar!

This stupid navbar at the top of the blog is going to get me fired, I swear.

It's nice to be fired off into a random corner of the 'net. It's like rolling the dice. But damn! You end up on objectionable sites 1/3 of the time.

Some of us use surf Blogger sites at work to pass slow moments, and I'm sure I'm not the only one worried about this. Where's the "work/child friendly" checkbox, Blogger?!?!?!!?

God Has a Plan for You, Gaius...

More details of the Cylon plot.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Today's Psychosis

I don't like checking my phone messages.

In college I was very bad with what little money I had. That led to occassional scraps with my parents, who would...leave voice messages.

Then, once I finally got myself together financially (scraping by on minimum wage college night jobs) my car was vandalized and my backpack stolen, which contained a checkbook. The little criminals then proceeded to write about $500 worth of pizza checks, and the bank (WELLS FARGO...NEVER USE WELLS FARGO) was supposed to put a hold on my account and call me on all checks they received, and only did that...once. Ergo, the checks bounced and I began receiving, from very nasty debt collectors...voicemail.

I have a voicemail on my phone at work. I'm scared.

Grant These Men Security Clearance...

...because they are clearly NOT Cylon agents.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Manage Me

Soundtrack for this post: "Calm Like a Bomb" by Rage Against the Machine.

I work in a company with several divisions. The manager of my section is terrible. The boss waited months to fill a junior position answering the phones and had all the other staff covering. Finally, after inhibiting our work capacity like this, the boss hired someone, and PROMPTLY REASSIGNED THEM TO WORK ON A SPECIAL PROJECT IN ANOTHER DIVISION.

And this is only the tip of the iceberg, trust me.

I'm ten seconds away from a mutiny.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Intel Reports More Details on the Cylon Plot

The Cylons Were Created by Man.

They Rebelled.

They Evolved.

They Look and Feel Human.

Some are programmed to think they are Human.

There are many copies.

And they have a Plan.

2008's Race to Watch: Adama vs. Organa

Why this guy, you ask? Well, I'll tell you.

Let's start with the official character description, from the Star Wars website. The man runs a damn planet. And he's a senator. And he's secretly fomenting a rebellion, and he's ruthless enough to raise a child of the Dark Lord of the Sith to use against him later (Yes, dammit, he's ruthless...don't buy all this phony sentimental crap about him taking in Leia out of the goodness of his heart...its only real-world equivalent would be Dick Durbin raising Dick Cheney's child to be a Democratic pollster).

Second, he bears an uncanny resemblance to Congressman Matt Santos, running for president on the West Wing. The Santos campaign is obviously a cover for the PAC he's setting up to challenge Adama. Come on, stop being so naive.

Commander Adama is also a fictional character with significant personal power, who also bears an uncanny resemblance to Justice Roberto Mendoza, an appointee of President Josiah Bartlett.
Both resemble characters from the West Wing with significant political power. Both are powerful, charismatic leaders with spaceships.

Screw Condi Vs. Hillary '08. Adama vs. Organa '08's the real race to watch.

Quite Possibly the Most Perfect Blog Post Ever

No, it's not mine. It's someone else's.

Now Playing

Coldplay's "Fix You" and Goo Goo Dolls' "Better Days."

Radiation ruling the nation.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Adama for President

The Middle East is in chaos. Insurgents and terrorism stalk doe-eyed Americans in the shadows. Your friend could be a terrorist! The country's finances are in ruins. Your country is starting to feel like a lonely little fleet surrounded by fierce robotic flying-thingamajigs with nukes who want to make you feel really, really bad.

Who will you turn to?

Two words: Commander Adama.

By God, if he can fend of armies of Cylons, root out sleeper bio-mechanical killers that look like his crewmen, and know when to pull the plug on democracy, that makes him at least as good as President Bush anyday, and he's got a friggin' Battlestar to back it up.

"Mission Accomplished?" Frack that. When you got suicide bombers blowing up your deck plates in a fight for the fuel supply, you don't want an AWOL National Guardsman in a dorky flight suit. You want a gritty, tough-as-nails order to take that damn asteriod pronto so you can get your fuel and the guts to send Junior into the fire to lead the charge. That's leadership.

Adama for President. He's gonna find Earth. Get behind it.